Blue Lace Agate: The Power of Association

Blue Lace Agate: The Power of Association: I came across this write-up, and I couldn't wait to share it as was just like a 'spur of the moment thing' that spoke to me rig...

Blue Lace Agate: New Beginning with a Successful End in Mind

Blue Lace Agate: New Beginning with a Successful End in Mind: Truly it is a new beginning: my very first post, a New Year... So, I decided to start by sharing an experience that somewhat caused me a Pa...

Blue Lace Agate: From a Sister to a Sister...

Blue Lace Agate: From a Sister to a Sister...: Lately, the heartbreak tale seems to be getting to me more than ever; I'm beginning to feel like there's something I should be doin...

From a Sister to a Sister...

Lately, the heartbreak tale seems to be getting to me more than ever; I'm beginning to feel like there's something I should be doing/have done which I am neglecting. You see, for the past couple of months, like a consistent train routine, I hear the heartbreak tale of a sister (fellow female) who has been/or is being heartbroken. From a friend, to a sister, to a cousin, to an older colleague, to aunts, to a mere acquaintance, sisters everywhere are being heartbroken and it is really disheartening of love!

Don't misconstrue my words; I am not against love. In fact, I hope to fall in love again(yeah! again: I've also been heartbroken) The heartbreak tale has so much gone on that it has made many sisters lose their self-esteem and confidence, some even go as far as thinking of themselves as losers.

As  there are some women/girls who do not make the womenfolk proud, I pray they are redeemed someday. There are virtuous women who are the true epitome of the womenfolk who have fallen victims. From the alluring, beautiful, sophisticated, sensational, lovely, graceful, poise, even the pious have all fallen victims of the sleek, smooth-talking men, with their sugar-coated tongues and honeyed pick up lines. However, I am not saying the sisters are always entirely without faults of their own (that is another talk for another day).

If I hadn't read the book: Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man; by Steve Harvey, I might not be writing this post. Not because I wouldn't have anything to say, but whatever I would be saying would be too constricted to what we've heard in the past. However, with the enlightenment I got from reading the book it has opened my mind and I can see how many sisters have or could have fallen prey.

You see, whether you are beautiful or not, sexy or not, successful or not, courteous or not (and every excuse the brothers might have used to delude you or not) the bottom line of what the menfolk want from us sisters is true and still remains- to get between our legs, sex! Whether you will be married to or played with, it all borders on sex. The choice is now ours, the ball has now been passed to our courts as regards if we would prolong the brothers' quest, be a plaything or be happily married.

 

I know that at this junction, eyebrows might have swept up... I haven't forgotten about love.(You might be wondering about falling hopelessly in love like in the Disney movies and Mills and Boons novels, every woman who is worth her coin deserves that, but for once, could we leave our fantasies in the TV's and novels and come to the real world!)

Some even say love is blind, my take is: even if it(love) were blind, has it made you fall for a mad man down the road? Then it isn't blind enough! In the real world, if you want to be happy with your relationship, you need to shine your eyes well! Don't ever settle for the blindness of love.

I had a chat with a friend lately, in which he asked in like terms that why would women, knowing that they are not loved proceed in the relationship. I would say I couldn't argue convincingly, after which he made me understand that as women, our perceptive instincts are strong. Considering that, I can attest that truly our perceptive instincts are very strong and I think that is what develops our maternal instincts (makes a mother know when she's being lied to/when her child is hurt, and so on).

The point I am trying to make here is is your perceptive instincts are are strong as acclaimed, why wouldn't it be put to test in every facets of life, especially to pertinent life issues such as relationships.

In plain English: before you go on consenting to any relationship, put your brain to work. Don't allow the heart do all the judgement on which you will base your man, add common sense, investigate and above all pray about it!

As what isn't destined to be will not work no matter the effort, it will cause you less heartbreak to find out everything about your prospective relationship than after you have invested a whole lot.

My hope and prayer for every sister who has been heartbroken is that one day, very soon you shall find that man who is truly worth your tears, even then he wouldn't make you cry!

xoxo

Truly, from a Sister!

 

 A Gift from a Sister: Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man; by Steve Harvey

(click here to download)

Relationship Pre-requisites: Love or Sex Part 2

After the courtship stage, comes the marriage stage. However, many unmarried couple could hardly define the current stage of their relationships due to the many stages involved in the courtship stage.

While I was searching for viable information to buttress my points, I came across this Psychic blog post which shed more light on the stages of relationships.

As I do not have the copyright to their post, I'll do my best to summarize it contextually.

According to them, we have like seven stages.

• First Stage: This stage encompasses the meeting; for the Nigerians- "the scoping and acceptance"; those times when we thought we couldn't do without the other person; and also when the relationship is still brand new, as a Nigerian-when the love is still "shacking" us.

• Second Stage: This stage is very crucial. Hmm... You begin to discover who your partner really is: this discovery is mostly flaws, but sometimes, it tends to be some strength we couldn't live with. You see, most relationships break at this point due to the impatience and lack of the right information.

You see, we are all humans and we should be able to understand that as humans, we are prone to err and have flaws.

• Third Stage: This is about a new understanding of our partner. We see them in a new light, we can understand their flaws and we are ready to live and be committed to ourselves. 

If you noticed, you will realize I didn't write anything on correcting those flaws. This is because such an effort would be futile if it weren't on the volition of the so flawed person.

• Fourth Stage: This stage could come well after the second stage in some relationships, it is the stage where there's a power tug between the couple. This is the stage you rediscover yourselves individually and your personal ability to have some control in the relationship.

• Fifth Stage: In this stage, we learn why our other relationships failed. This stage is about stability, growth, a new spurt of intimacy and awareness.

The following two stages are most likely to occur in marriages in some relationships, depending on how fast or steadily things go...

• Sixth Stage:  Here, there's a new knowledge of love: we learn the difference between passionate and romantic love. Passionate: obsession, sexual longing and jealousy. Romantic: communication, sexual chemistry, comfort and even security. Passionate love is also the love we feel while young, romantic is however a more mature kind of love.

• Seventh Stage: Though this stage could occur anytime, it is the real test of relationships. It could come in the form of death of a relative, terminal disease of a child, job loss, affair, and so on. This stage tests the relationship, the couple individually. Therefore, the solution is not taking out the anger and frustrations out on each other but coming together as a team to tackle whatever traumatic situation you are facing.

The success of this stages show and portray that truly it doesn't take sex for a relationship to thrive... 

Relationship Pre-requisites: Love Or Sex...

Is it Love or Sex?
I wonder, why is sex treated like some sacred secret? Sex or sexual issues are treated with such reverence that you'd think no one indulges in the act. You see, this over-rating has been long gone that anyone who talks about sex openly could be seen as vulgar or profane. However, ironically so, whether sex is spoken about freely or not virtually every human indulges in the act, even youngsters.
Back to the bone of contention, relationships should be treated accordingly as they should if they are expected to last...
I'm not ruling out other reasons that result in short relationships, rather, I would shed more light on a theory that is often neglected in relationships.
As humans go through various growth stages, so is required of relationships. What more could be expected from humans relating together?
A relationship involves two humans who should be mutually committed and dedicated to nurture, learn, grow, and sacrifice together. This doesn't entail two people coming together and becoming "one" just like that!
However, what it does entail is that, after two humans have mutually agreed to be in a relationship, they would then begin not just a relationship but the growth stages that would ensure the relationship lasts.
As a fetus is being delivered, it weans, becomes a toddler, go through adolescence, the teenage stage, then adulthood, till zap; so relationships are meant to go through courtship: where most of the learning processes take place; then marriage.
During the courtship stage, the learning process is the most important just as a mother's breasts are most important to a weaning child. At this stage, if sex is made the most essential pre-requisite of growth, the development of the union would be stunted. At this point, I'm not ruling out sex before marriage, neither am I preaching abstinence, in fact I'll keep mute as regards my feelings towards the matter.
*More on this topic to come in the next post.*  

The Comeback

Wow! It's been a really long while here, I've been lazy musing... 

There has been the issues of love, self-awareness, and some really personal stuffs! I hadn't been entirely lazy though, I learnt some crazy ideas!  

I've decided to share some not too personal lessons *winks* here in awhile, so sit tight while I compile them

In the meantime, this past February has been quite eventful-I don't mind knowing how you spent yours, kindly share your experiences...

For me, apart from the Nigerian miraculous win at the African Cup of Nations, simultaneous deaths of celebrities, and so on, the month was a bit challenging. *whew!*  I lost serious weight and my clothes hardly fit anymore! *sighs* 

However, I can concede that challenges stretch us, and path ways for us to become better.

The pinnacle of it all is that, whenever we are facing challenges, no matter how disconcerting the situation may seem, we should always look unto the bright sides as there might be opportunities lurking around-and you know, opportunity they say, comes but once.

Therefore, stand tall; hold your heads high; love passionately; laugh intensely; smile always, believe immensely in yourself and miraculously, you are gonna be fine!!!